Thunder Calls
That feeling when you've just started to wake up, your body is heavy, and your fingers are swollen. The pull of the last dream is still swimming through your head calling you back. And though you need to get up, you're still one with the warm bed.

Something Left Undone
Bumped into an old friend who'd betrayed me. Seemed like he still hadn't grown up…at least into the world of friendship. At least we were civil as we spoke…though he was still fairly superficial in his reported life updates. I could tell he'd not changed for the better since, but would never admit it through his pride. So we put on a show…or I humored us…a smile, and parted ways again. I think I shook less than he did.

Crock Of Anvils
For the single mothers-to-be who are frightened of the future, a little lost, feeling like everyone's judging them, looking for help and maybe just a temporary angel…and the time is nearing quickly when the baby will be born.

Leaving It Up To You
You've been betrayed or hurt by someone and you want to tear them to pieces, or perhaps just simply take revenge. But through the furious and frustrated insanity in your mind, you somehow hold yourself back. And you realize that you don't have to do a thing…

Give me a Sign
Someone you care about has locked themselves up and away from the world and begun disintegrating at a rapid pace. You try to breath life into them but they are so far in deep that they don't respond much. You try to shake sense into them. You live for that sign…for themselves, for you…anything that shows they still live inside.

Just What We Wanted
The continuation of the life of the person who's dedicated to the dying heart of their friend as in Give me a Sign… You can't help but cling onto to the tiny responses they do give, because you care so much, that you don't want to abandon them, and you have a strong hope still. You've begun to find that the little sparks of light that come from them are tiny cries for help; for someone to break the cycle within them. Your mission revived, you come to their aid anew. But as the time goes by, you realize there's no progress. And you've begun to lose your own soul to what's consuming them. You're stuck. And like a baby scorpion stinging a creature, your friend doesn't know they're killing you with their uncontrolled poison. Soon, you're left as a shell, just like them; expired and vacantly crying out for help…and the circle continues.

Will My Heart Ache in Heaven?
I was in so much pain from losing so many friends and relatives to deaths within such a short period of time, only a handful of years from the end of highschool into my early twenties. A close friend lost a family member as well. My parents divorced. And I wanted nothing but to bring them all into me and give them peace, but I felt so messed up over it all because there were no places to breath inbetween. And i lived so far away from my family's broken home and the few friends that remained, I hurt so deeply. I kept many people more distant that I ever had before simply trying to prevent the situation in my heart from flooding over. Self-survival gone wrong, and my eyes were open the entire time. I had more than five stalkers from shattered moments that could have gone better if both myself and them were experienced and sane enough to be able to make it work out at the time. The stress, insanity, and sorrow nearly consuming me, I made horrible decisions with my scattered brain that ruined many relationships. And at the edge of it, I wrote this song. ...Wondering if when I die, will I still carry all this pain with me?

(This is) How The Song Should've Gone
Someone is giving you a false story of their heart and you can see right through it. They even spread untruths about you to their friends...people who you thought were your friends too. They are ruining everything for everyone. And your sadness cries through at how it could and should have all gone. Too Late to fix anything but you forever dwell on it and hope.

Mars
Word for word. This song is about a dream I had one night. The story is that I went to Mars two times by traveling in a small 4x4ft box. The first time was brief and it was some time of day where the sky was a beautiful, perfect blue. There were jagged red mountains and rocks that peaked high above all around me and in the distance. My box had landed next to a shore of crystal clear water, calm over the red ground, only maybe 6 inches deep at its deepest. And it spanned as far as I could see, to rest up against the jagged rocks far away. I realized then, as I stood there, that I was breathing. And that everything we were ever told about life on Mars, was worth nothing now. I grinned as I took another deep breath in and laughed. Then I got back in my box and left. Within the same dream, I rearrived. This time it was different. The sky was darker and a sun-like moon rose high in the sky. I didn't recognize any constellations that were beginning to show through, but it was still amazing. I got out of the box and saw a trail leading up to a small shack. A few trees lined the path and cast shadows along the ground which looked like the bars of a cage. Maybe it was forshadowing what was to come... I climbed the path to the house and met with a dog and a cat who were as humans in intelligence and actions. The cat sat on a log in the back, under a balcony, working on a colorful beaded necklace. The dog waved to me and smiled from his project. Then they offered up the objects to me in friendship. I smiled and took them. I wandered back down the path and saw a huge white canopy, hundreds of feet long and rising at least 50 feet high, set up within a crescent shaped rock formation. There was a crowd beneath it. Hundreds of people. Quiet. And I slipped in to see what was going on. Then I saw Them. The crowd parted and I was forced back a little as these men in black suits paraded through. I knew what they were. They were the government officials from Earth, sent to organize Mars in the same fashion as the US and force everyone to be a certain way. To claim the entire planet in the name of the US. I'd be damned if I didn't stop them and their imperfect rule that would start this beautiful, innocent planet into turmoil instantly without giving the people a chance to see what might work better for them here. I shouted out and the crowd turned on them, we pushed them out and away. We won! We became free. Truly free. And then I woke up. I wanted to tell someone and I felt so emotional and empowered. But noone was available. And then as the sun went back to being a moon, later in the day, I decided to latch onto the dream once more to see if I could try to make it real again.

Elsewhere
I love ethereal, powerful dance songs. I've always had ideas for them. Techno and industrial music can be so simple, it hurts. When dance music is done right, your heart and body soar. I was inspired by a number of, in my opinion, are excellent examples of good instrumental dance pieces... Robert Miles "Children", Dubstar - Goodbye album "Track 16", Orbital's track on the Mortal Combat soundtrack, Moby "Porcelain", and that rave song by Mary Jane "It's A Fine Day". I think I got those names right. heh.

Your Own
Giving advice, making mistakes, improving, dreaming, moving on...and those who can't stand it when you hit all those marks.

Sepia
The mystery that is Sepia...*chuckle*

Stone Soup
I read the story "Stone Soup" when I was little, and it always stuck with me, as well as was a favorite tale. I weaved it with yet another lesson and a bit of mischief.

Wednesday
Written while Jessica and I were in England visiting our treasured friend Dominic, I created this song journal of our adventure. This song is dedicated to the trinity, and our home away from home, our beloved England.

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